A Gentleman Caller

“Oh my God, Sarah. He’s here again.”

Sarah pulled on a strand of her ginger hair. It was the third time this week he’d come in. She turned to her colleague, a worried look on her face. Her colleague was a complete contrast to this, a bright excitement in her eyes.

“Sarah, you should go and talk to him. I always catch him glancing over at you. He’s actually kind of good looking, in that weird goofy way you like.”

“It’s a bit weird though, isn’t it? He keeps coming in and he doesn’t buy anything. Also, he’s a grown man in a toy shop.”

“You don’t know why he’s here. He could have a kid and not know what to get them. We’ve never asked him. I’m going to ask him.”

Sarah’s face flushed with panic.

“No, no. Please don’t. He’s always looking at me and I don’t like it.”

“Sarah, it’s store policy to make sure the customer is okay and taken care of. I’m going over.”

Sarah’s colleague approached the man with a great eagerness. The man looked startled as he noticed the woman approaching.

“Hello, sir. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

The man looked perplexed by the question, as if the words were of a foreign language. Sarah’s colleague stood in the awkward air, struggling to keep her smile lifted.

“Err, well. Yes. There is. I’m looking for a gift for…”

“Sir, I’m very sorry to interrupt you but an emergency has come up and I’m needed in the office. I will leave you in the very capable hands of my co-worker, Sarah.”

She led the man over and Sarah tried to maintain a smile, but a look of terror shone from her eyes. Her colleague winked as she headed into the back, leaving the two on the shop floor alone. The man looked as nervous as Sarah felt, but rather than comfort her this unnerved her more.

“Hello… as I was telling your colleague… I’m looking for a gift… for my niece.”

Sarah felt embarrassed. She had judged the man as creepy when her colleague had been right all along. It wasn’t his child, but he was looking for a gift for a family member. The reason he had come in so many times was no doubt because he had no idea what to buy a small girl and was too shy to ask.

“Of course, I can help with that. How old is your niece and what does she like?”

Though the conversation was jarring at first, the two of them relaxed and soon spoke with ease. Sarah would ask him questions about his niece, and he would fire back his responses. Sarah would then direct him to several different toys for approval. The two finally settled on a plush unicorn. It would change colours depending on the direction of the sequins attached to its body.

They headed to the till and before Sarah could hesitate, she found herself continuing to talk to the man. She surprised herself doing this, yet she felt comfortable around this stranger. His manner was welcoming, and she felt a great guilt for judging him. Her colleague was right, he was good looking in that weird goofy way she liked.

He paid for the plush and thanked Sarah for her time. After he left the store, Sarah’s colleague returned from the office and began to wind Sarah up.

“I saw you on the camera, you looked so nervous! He did too, it was super cute.”

Sarah flushed red with embarrassment.

“Shut up. He was very polite and nice, that’s all.”

“Oh my God. Sarah’s got a boyfriend!”

As her colleague sang those last four words, the man came back into the shop. Sarah’s colleague went quiet as soon as she noticed him. Had he heard her? Sarah wasn’t sure, but the possibility he had was enough to cause her anxiety to hit the ceiling.

The man walked over. He had a small square of paper in his hand.

“Err, hello again. Sorry if this is forward. If you’re not interested, then chuck it in the bin. No hard feelings. My name’s Gary.”

He handed Sarah the square of paper. In her peripheral vision she could see it was a phone number. she could feel the heat under her skin.

“Thank you. I’ll give you a call.”

The man smiled.

“I can’t wait.”

As soon as they were sure he was out of ear shot, Sarah’s colleague screamed with glee. She seemed happier than Sarah.

“Are you going to call him? You two seem perfect for each other. You’re both so awkward. It’s super cute.”

Sarah punched her colleague in the arm and put the square of paper into her pocket. A small smile crept along her face.

Sarah waited until the evening of the following day before she texted him. She considered ringing but thought that was too intense. It was best to keep things casual. Though her initial worries about him had dissipated, there was still a gnawing sense of dread. The prospect of meeting up with a stranger for a date caused her chest to tighten. It wasn’t that she hadn’t had dates before, but all the men she had dated in the past she’d known beforehand. Boys from school or college, co-workers from other jobs, she’d known them as friends first. This would be the first time going for a date with someone she’d shared less than ten minutes getting to know. All she knew about him was that he had a niece who liked unicorns.

He texted back minutes later, saying it was good to hear from her. They arranged to meet that Saturday as Sarah was only working Sunday that weekend. He’d asked if there was anything she would like to do, but she had no answer. Sarah wracked her brain for the perfect response. What was the perfect first date suggestion for two people who’d had only one conversation? Instead of giving a concrete answer, Sarah responded with only two words.

“Surprise me.”

Clicking send filled Sarah with excitement. It felt like such a bold response and out of character for her.

“Okay, deal. But you won’t find out until we meet.”

She didn’t know how to feel about his response. Part of her enjoyed the mystery of it all, yet she couldn’t get the nagging doubt out of her mind. She felt going into the situation unprepared, so early after having met him, was a risk. Yet she was aware of her tendency to overthink and overreact to situations. She tried to swallow the doubt and lose herself in the giddiness of the moment. Yet her caution remained an itch in her brain throughout the entire week.

They met at midday outside the town hall. The butterflies in her stomach felt as if their wings were made of steel. The giddiness of the preceding days had settled into a deep sense of anxiety. Her bowels cramped and sharp pains spasmed throughout her gut. Though not a particularly sunny day, the light of the afternoon seemed intense. She tried to focus, to dissipate some of the dread, yet her efforts were in vain. She thought of cancelling, of retreating to the comfort of her home. You cannot miss what you never had, her mother had once said. Yet she looked at the town hall clock and how close it was to twelve. It wouldn’t be fair of her to leave now.

He was dressed smart, but casual. She was glad to see that though he’d tried, he hadn’t gone too far. Her overactive brain had conjured images of him appearing in a full tuxedo, single rose in hand. They hugged through their awkwardness, and he smiled.

“Do you want to know where we’re going now?

Sarah smiled back.

“I don’t. Don’t tell me until the very last second.”

She couldn’t believe the words out of her mouth. She had never been this spontaneous. Sarah would plan activities with her friends with meticulousness. Yet here she was, with a man she hardly knew, allowing him to take her whenever he deemed fit.

They walked through the town centre and spoke sporadically through their nerves. He stopped on the corner of the street and looked up at the sign, a huge grin across his face. The sign read “Pins and Gins.”

“Do you approve?”

Sarah wasn’t sure how to answer. She laughed.

“I don’t even know what that means. What is this place?”

He pulled the door open and motioned for her to go in. She walked with caution down the stairs and into the basement of the building. She felt a sickness in her stomach that was crawling into her throat. She asked again.

“What is this place?”

“Just a little further and you’ll see.”

They headed through a set of black double doors at the bottom of the stairs. As soon as the doors opened a cacophony of noise flooded into Sarah’s ears. Her eyes filled with bright lights and colours. She heard a heavy ball hitting polished wood and realised where she was.

“You brought me to a bowling alley? That’s not a bad effort, actually.”

They smiled at each other.

The afternoon turned to evening, and the conversation and drinks flowed with ease. Sarah hadn’t realised how much she had drunk until she went to the bathroom. Detached somewhat from the lights and sounds, she felt the impact of the alcohol hit her hard. The part of her mind that had cautioned her against letting go with him so soon was silent. Sarah felt a confidence and surety that was completely alien to her. She took three-pound coins from her purse and pushed them into the condom machine. When she returned, he was sat by their lane, sipping his drink. She sat down next to him without making eye contact. For a moment neither of them moved, then she turned and kissed him. They continued to kiss without concern for what the other patrons around them might think. He ran his hand up her leg, over her knee, and placed it on her thigh. His fingers were under her skirt, yet he went no further. She pulled away and looked into his eyes.

“Do you want to come back to mine?”

“We’ve still got another game.”

“Fuck the game.”

They left the bowling alley and headed into the night. Sarah hadn’t realised how long they had been in there. They took a taxi back to her flat and the moment they were through the door they embraced. Clothes left strewn across the hall, a breadcrumb trail towards her bed.

“Sarah, I know this sounds like a line, but I’ve never done this before.”

“You’re a virgin?”

He laughed.

“No, I mean I’ve never gone home with someone on the first date.”

She laughed too.

“No, neither have I. But first times can be fun, right?”

“I’m definitely having fun.”

They fucked through the night and woke late in the morning.

“Shit, shit, shit. I’m late for work.”

Sarah rushed throughout the flat getting ready for a shift that had already started. The missed calls on her phone had rung out, only waking her on the fourth attempt. Her head felt like it was going to explode.

“That’s a cute elephant.”

Sarah was confused until she realised Gary was talking about the logo on her work shirt. It was a cartoon elephant, the same that towered over the entrance to the store and was plastered on all the windows.

“I’m so sorry, but you’re going to have to leave. I don’t mean to be abrupt.”

He rolled out of her bed and pulled his boxers from the floor. He seemed a lot brighter than she felt.

“That’s okay. I’m sorry I kept you up.”

She ran over and kissed him.

“Don’t be sorry. It was amazing. I’d love to see you again, but next time why don’t we stay sober and get to know each other. I don’t remember much of last night.”

“Sober sounds good.”

He dressed and kissed her again before he left.

Sarah walked into work over an hour late. Her hair dishevelled, her make-up minimal. The colleague who had forced her to talk to Gary stood with her mouth agape, a delighted glint in her eyes.

“Holy… Sarah, you didn’t?”

Sarah walked straight past her and into the office. Her face beamed with embarrassment.

She told her friend everything she could remember, and how she intended to see him again. They hadn’t arranged anything yet, but she had a good feeling. Sarah felt she was wrong to be so cautious. She’d let herself go and felt good for it. Her colleague hung on to her every word in amazement.

Sarah checked her phone when riding the tram home at the end of her shift and saw she had a text from Gary.

“Last night was great. Let me know when you want to meet again.”

She responded immediately and asked if he was free tomorrow evening after she got off work. It felt a little rushed, but Sarah was sure the connection she felt was not one-sided.

“That sounds great, Sarah. I’ll take you to dinner and we’ll stay off the booze.”

She left the tram with a lightness in her body. Absorbed in her own inner dialogue, she didn’t notice the man stood in front of her and collided into him. They both apologised, but something in that interaction gave her déjà vu. She walked the rest of the way home and the uneasy familiarity of the situation followed her like a shadow. It wasn’t until later in the night she remembered.

“That’s a cute elephant.”

She didn’t know why she hadn’t realised sooner, but she’d met Gary weeks before he started to come into the shop. She’d bumped into him at her tram stop when she was rushing to work. They’d both apologised and he’d commented on her work shirt with the exact same words he had that morning.

“That’s a cute elephant.”

Why hadn’t he said anything to her? Her mind went into overdrive, but she soon calmed herself. He didn’t remember, it was that simple. Or he found it such a mundane detail it wasn’t worth mentioning. She scolded herself for trying to sabotage a good thing and spent the rest of the evening texting Gary. They flirted throughout the night. She went to bed with a smile, his smell still clinging to her bedsheets.

Sarah met Gary outside an Italian restaurant late the following evening. She’d rushed home from work, made herself presentable, then rushed out of the house to meet him. The entire day her heart had fluttered with anticipation. After a single night with Gary, she found herself having strong feelings towards him. He was once again dressed smart, but casual. They kissed when they met.

“You look amazing, Sarah Leigh.”

Sarah looked perplexed.

“I don’t remember telling you my last name?”

Gary laughed.

“I didn’t realise you were that drunk. You don’t remember telling me?”

Sarah joined him in his laughter.

“I don’t remember going home. You expect me to remember every bit of conversation we had?”

The entered the building and sat at a small table in the corner. The waiter came over and asked if they wanted anything to drink. They looked into each other’s eyes and then burst out laughing.

“Can we have some water please?”

After they had eaten, they continued to sit. Both were enraptured in each other’s presence. Mid conversation, Sarah’s phone rang. She apologised and took the call, chatting to the person on the other end with a smile on her face. When she hung up, she apologised again.

“It was my sister. She’s always got some wild story to tell.”

Gary smiled.

“Well, I guess she isn’t the only one now. These past few days have been quite wild.”

Sarah nodded.

“I have to be honest, Gary. I hope this doesn’t come off as too strong… I like you a lot. It’s like we’ve had an instant connection.”

Gary sipped at his water while she spoke. He placed the glass down and took her hand in his.

“I agree. I’m glad you said that. I didn’t want to come on too strong either. I thought you were cute when I came into your work. Yet after talking to you I knew there was something special, something more, about you.”

Sarah blushed while Gary continued talking.

“I don’t want to put a label on this so soon, but I think this could be something big.”

Sarah giggled.

“You’d have to meet my sister first. I haven’t told her about you yet. I was going to mention it then, but I thought it would be weird to talk about it while you’re sat across the table.”

“So, you and your sister are close then?”

“Very. She’s a little younger than me but it’s always felt like she was the big sister. She’s very protective of me. She’s already got a family and a degree and a career, so I turn to her for advice a lot.”

“That sounds so nice. I don’t have any siblings so I wouldn’t know how that feels.”

Sarah released his hand.

“Excuse me. I’m just going to pop to the loos.”

When she returned Gary felt a change in her attitude. She seemed a little more distant, as if distracted by something. Then her phone rang.

“Sorry, it’s my sister again.”

Sarah spoke into her phone, her voice becoming more urgent as she did. She hung up and turned to Gary.

“I’m so sorry, but it’s an emergency. I have to go.”

Gary assured her it was fine, that he was happy getting to spend even a little bit of time with her. Sarah nodded as he spoke, yet it was clear she wasn’t listening. He rose to kiss her goodbye but by the time he’d stood she was already heading out the door.

Days passed of unanswered texts and phone calls. Gary began to worry that something had happened. Full catastrophe images of Sarah hurt or worse flashed through his mind. After five days with no response, she texted him three words that caused his world to collapse.

“Please stop calling.”

He listened to what she said and instead of calling again he went into her work. Her colleague had said he’d come in when she wasn’t working. He hadn’t asked for Sarah but had looked about the shop for a minute before leaving again. The fear of knowing he knew where she worked, or worse where she lived, felt like hands squeezing her throat. She was grateful he hadn’t turned up at her flat, yet knowing he’d come into her work terrified her. It was a week after she’d last seen him that he showed up at her work again. This time she was on shift. As soon as she saw him enter, she told her colleague and went to hide in the office. Gary saw her entering the door, but Sarah’s colleague stopped him before he could call to her.

“She doesn’t want to see you. Respect that. Please leave.”

Gary gritted his teeth.

“I’m not here to talk to you. I want to talk to Sarah. Everything was great and then she vanished. I’m so confused. I deserve to know what’s going on.”

Sarah’s colleague shook her head.

“If you can’t work it out yourself, then you’re worse than I thought.”

Gary refused to move. His voice became low and forceful. He emphasised each word as if it were its own statement.

“I want to speak to Sarah. She owes me an explanation.”

“Sarah doesn’t want to speak to you. Sarah doesn’t owe you anything. If you don’t leave, I’ll call security. If you ever bother her again, you’ll have to deal with me.”

Gary stayed for a moment, maintaining eye contact. He grunted something under his breath and then left.

Sarah was in the office, crying. Her colleague comforted her and assured her he wouldn’t bother her again.

Sarah didn’t see Gary again, though for the first few weeks she felt a constant dread that he would appear. That dread turned to doubt. Had she overreacted? Had she thrown away something that could have been special, something big? The doubt lingered for a while, then finally dissipated. Sarah became comfortable and even proud of her decision to end things with Gary. If the foundation was already rocky, then how could the relationship be built to be anything but? You cannot miss what you never had, her mum had once said. Sometimes she missed Gary yet knew that she was only missing the person he’d pretended to be.